In this week’s episode we cover the often-requested topic of facial hair. Listen and learn as we discuss everything you need to know about maintaining a beard /mustache or keeping your face silky smooth. We also discuss:

- dwarves dressing up like Yosemite Sam
- the seedy underbelly of celebrity look-alike businesses
- spending hundreds of dollars on useless shaving accessories
- which carnival freak shows to avoid

After all that, we still have time to give you priceless advice in Tim and Tom Solve Your Problems.

We discuss the harrowing events of The Gathering of the Juggalos 2010, also:
Twenty-Somethings are the new Teenagers
Tim Goes Back to High School
Living in Tree Houses
Disney World Perverts Update
Friends with Benefits (Pools and Kids)
Boatlife
Waterbeds and Bed Bugs

Illustrations by Natalie Al-Tahhan. Check out her blog.

Feeling fat? Are your hands constantly greasy from all the fried foods you’re always eating? Let Tim and Tom guide you through the healthiest diets out there today. Also covered: swinger cruises, making friends as an adult and the fact that your life has probably been a child’s fever dream.

In this episode we discuss traveling to the Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida, the perfect place for family fun!!! We also discuss:

- Clean versions of ODB albums
- Surviving water parks
- Horses on planes
- Flirting with Snow White

Dunces
Tim’s Tips to Beat the Heat
80 Stand-Up Comedy
Dealing with Celebrities on Planes
Surviving a Plane Crash
Basing Your Life on Sex and the City
Angela Lansbury: Babe of the Week
The Mile High Club or Having Sex in a Tiny Public Bathroom
Tim and Tom Solve Your Loud College Kids Problems

Illustrations by Natalie Al-Tahhan. Check out her blog.

This week we welcome comedian, writer, musician and United Kingdom expert Dave Hill to the show. He teaches us about sports, ladies, using The Secret to get what you want, and other things too numerous to get into. He also joins us to solve listener questions in a very special installment of Tim and Tom and Dave Solve Your Problems.

Check out Dave Hill’s website, follow him on Twitter (@mrdavehill), and for the love of all things holy, go see him at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival August 5-29.

Illustrations by Natalie Al-Tahhan. Check out her blog.

LeBron James Passes on Our Offer
NBA Talk
Running in 102 Degree Heat
Sexy Librarians
Don’t Drink Drano
Making Your Own Alcohol/Poison
Cooking Tips
Talkative Teenagers at Auto Parts Stores

New Segment!
One Time Time Travel

Paninis and Smashed Potatoes
Ice Cream for Breakfast
The Ice Cream man: Pervert or Genius?
Uncomfortable at the Beach
Sunning in Your Underpants
Nude Beaches
Summer School for Woodshop
C+C Music Factory Humiliation
T&T Solve Your Problems: Kids on Planes and TCGTE Concierge Listening Service
Farewell to Tim

Have you ever wanted to win the lottery? Well, in this episode we tell you how to!

Not really, but we do discuss excellent ways to spend your lottery winnings.

Comics courtesy of Natalie Al-Tahhan. Check out more of her work at her internet website.

This week we discuss some big stories in the news, and Tom talks about a strangely depressing dream he had.

- Samurai Sword Porn Star
- Guatemalan sinkholes!
- What is the Silver Surfer’s deal?
- There is apparently some sort of oil leak
- Shaving the heads of corpses
- Questions about donating a kidney
- A Tim and Tom Solve Your Problems success story

John Stamos cancels again
Memorial Day
Kids are rude
Product Brainstorming for ripping off kids (Silly Bandz)
Giving directions when you don’t know directions
Ripping your friend’s heart out while on shrooms (Link)
T&T Take Your Call:
What happened to ladies night?
What does Tim do with his beard?
What is good cheap beer?
T&T Solve Your Problems
All One Word? (Link)

by Natalie Al-Tahhan

In this episode we recount a recent camping trip and share what we’ve learned. We also discuss:

- An excellent trick idea for street magicians
- Selling mugs for surly office workers
- Walmart sells machetes for $6.88!!
- A very long conversation about one specific Wiffle Ball game
- Getting harassed by a teenager with authority
- The understated genius of “Mr. Wendell”

Artwork by Natalie Al-Tahhan (http://flailingwithink.tumblr.com)

Artwork by Natalie Al-Tahhan (http://flailingwithink.tumblr.com/)

TCGTE tells all about hobo secrets and more. Information that may one day very well save your life. Including:

Tim is energized!
Acting is tiring
Conspiracy theories about the phone company
Tom is drunk with Starbucks power
The Hobo Code
The Hobo Ethical Code
Naked People at the Museum
Baby Boomer of the Week
We’re off camping!
Pranks involving bears

On this episode, all roads lead us to Tom Hanks. Also:

- Ringo Starr judging county fair contests
- Times Square terrorism
- Tom’s favorite museum, Ripley’s Believe it or Not
- A big bug shuts down production for a few minutes
- British people think we’re dumb
- Adults going back to high school

Fast Food Update
Don’t Talk About Tom on Facebook After He’s Dead
Faking Our Own Deaths
Starting Your Own Beverage Company
Frankenfish
Arizona is Giving Out Free Trips to Mexico
Drinks for Teenage Dirtbags
Camping
Burger King Brunch
Sex and the City
BK Mimosas
KFC Double Down
Tim and Tom and A Bunch of Other People Solve Your Problem
Solutions Involving Scientists

In this episode we offer advice to females who have written to us with their problems. You know, because they trust us. We also talk about:

- Little kids vs. Coffee tables
- Disturbing Masters of the Universe beach towels
- Interacting with overenthusiastic Starbucks employees
- Luis vs. Louise
- Tag-team serial killers
- Getting hit on in bars by supervillains
- Rat Kings and Mole People

In this episode we discuss bars, pubs and the goings-on inside these establishments. Topics include:

Getting a bartender’s attention
Adventures waiting on bathroom lines
Illicit drug use in bar restrooms
Tom’s tips for girls interested in flirting at bars
Tim’s admiration a certain big box electronics retailer

In this episode we talk and talk and talk. Topics include Tiger Woods, Crystal Pepsi, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and LeBron James teaming up to make Tim feel old, Tom’s continued hatred of those less fortunate than him and the hit movie The Rocketeer.

In this week’s episode, Tom and Tim explore the phenomenon that is Chat Roulette.

Sponsor: Get a FREE audiobook and 14-day trial today by signing up at audiblepodcast.com/tcgte!

Also discussed:
- More about haircuts
- 80s Saxaphone Hits
- A listener tells a tale of charity gone wrong
- Rude or Shrewd?

Tim and Tom discuss all things Irish, recount tales of screwing up interviews for minimum wage jobs and then talk about haircuts for seriously like 20 minutes.

Tom insults all of Ireland
Baby bars
Repairing US – Irish Relations
Drunk, Lazy Mailmen
Strippers’ Problems
Mandatory Drug Testing
Tom Works for Coca-Cola for a Day
Tim’s Blockbuster Dreams Dashed
Offensive New Terrorism Drinks
Remember Me Spoilers
HaircutCast (Boring Edition)

In this episode, Tom is reinvigorated by a particularly exciting week filled with unbelievable adventures.

Sponsor: Get a FREE audiobook and 14-day trial today by signing up at audiblepodcast.com/tcgte !

Also discussed:

- Adventures in unfamiliar Starbucks locations
- “The Monday Morning Grindcast”
- Hilarious Tiger Woods stand-up routines
- Making Brad Pitt work for you
- Celebrity and Politician apologies
- Angering McDonald’s employees
- Online banking with TCGTE

In this episode Tom and Tim discuss the hit reality show ‘The Bachelor’, America’s favorite sex-free 20 hour porn movie. Also discussed…

Olympic Fever Finally Subsides
Tom’s Strong Opinions on The Bachelor
Pooping Your Way Into Show Business
Tim and Tom Stop Solving One Person’s Problems
Podcast Philanthropy
A Special Musical Performance from Jimmy Bluffert
Don’t Forget Your Tim-screen

In this episode we talk about cruises, and Tom shares anecdotes from his recent vacation on board a luxury cruise. Also:

- the arduous process of recording a weekly podcast
- the perils of fame
- jumping overboard is not a good idea
- treating limo drivers with respect by never shooting them
- TCGTE’s after hours cruise ship spectacular stage show
- the difference between cruise ships and pirate ships
- Jersey Shore rejects in Belize
- cell phone reception from Cuba
- renting books from the liberry
- taking pictures of jerks reading Maxim Magazine
- disguising strip clubs as cowboy hat stores

In this episode we cover the mass transit system. Topics include:

* TCGTE on location
* Bus smarts
* Bus Studies/Bust Studies
* Buses driven by children
* Throwing up on hambones
* Wearing velcro shoes and maternity jeans
* TV’s Clark Kent invented the Segway
* Amateur Rocketeers
* Hiding hobo clothes throughout the city like a superhero
* Tom yells at an old woman
* Unimportant police activity on the subway

*Please excuse the lateness of this episode. Tim’s not so smart when it comes to the internet. Next episode will be up at the regular time.

In this very special 2010 Winter Olympic preview episode, Tom tries to keep Tim’s Olympic Fever in check while they discuss:

* the inspirational book The Secret‘s effect on Team USA’s dominance
* the Olympics vs. the much more extreme X-Games
* building homemade Olympic torches using propane tanks
* skiing on hay
* the exciting new sport, “horseboarding”
* lugers and skeletors
* Olympic prophecies
* the use performance enhancing drugs in curling

Tim wins TCGTE’s #1 fan contest
Method podcasting
White Castle destroys us
Tim eats too much candy
The Stepford A&W Employees
KFC’s Secrets Recipe (Hint: It’s racism)
Where’s the Beef Lady Strikes Out on Her Own
Free Marketing Idea: Haunted Wendy’s
Taco Bell Literally Almost Kills Tom
Tim’s Future Career as a Celebrity Reporter

T&T Hear About a Problem They Solved
Advice on Sister Swapping

The Gauntlet

This week:
Tom is sick and complains about it
Neti pots
English as a second language
Americans using slang from other countries
New Year’s Eve drum solo
TCGTE sitar and didgeridoo episodes
Buying pseudoephedrine
Time travel art fraud
Naked lady art class
The “Empty Suitcase” method of ending a relationship
A filthy letter from a girl
The GAUNTLET also happens

In this episode, stuff happens:

Tom talks like Oprah
Charles Shultz was a jerk
Going out Thelma and Louise style
Big plans for TCGTE!!
Back to the Future 2 Becoming Reality
Awful 80s Nostalgia
Creepy Japanese Robots
Society’s unfair treatment of Ben Affleck
Nostradamus was a jerk
Remakes of movies starring dogs
More adventurous pornography
The Milkernet
The future of teenage girl monster books
The most lethargic Gauntlet yet!

In this episode:

2009: A Landmark Year for Podcasting
Auditing our finances
The Beginning of TCGTE as Michael Jackson’s Legacy
Sitcom Porn
Porn
Rage Against the Machine #1 in the UK
9 Year Olds Don’t Know Anything
Teenagers Love Celebrities
Books Rated by Time Spent in Bathroom
Celebrity Deaths (DJ AM, David Carradine, Farrah Fawcett, Patrick Swayze, Walter Cronkite, Les Paul)
Celebrity Break Ups and Weddings
Lady Gaga: Hermaphrodite?
And a very long gauntlet, covering: childhood obsessions, colonoscopies, “a very special episode” episodes of tv shows, drinking-games, winter, sylvester stallone or bruce willis, motorcycles, One Hit Wonders, deals that are to good to be true, visiting the big apple, the reformation/counter reformation, social media, urban legends, interviews with hobos and bums, traveling, cereal and other breakfast related topics, the concept of ‘brunch’, the difference between beer and lager, US History, baked beans, geese, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Pizza, mall shopping, 90s pop music, regrets, get rich quick schemes, celebrity baby names, Jim Carrey, awkward drunken fist fights, concerts, Degrassi, old people, Burt Reynolds, confusing movies, Scots, Japan, kangaroos, healthcare, Lost, 90s action movies, hipsters and their potbellies, music, midwest, and yoga.

On this week’s yuletide-themed episode, we decide we know too little about Hanukkah to say anything about it so we discuss boring advent calendars, hypnotic Gap commercials, adults getting gifts from their parents, kids being jerks on Christmas morning, little kids lying about seeing Santa Claus, drinking too much at family Christmas parties, talking to teenagers, Tom’s continuing headaches at his local Starbucks, drinking liquid gold, advice for people who get beat up in China and Mariah Carey Christmas songs.

On this episode we celebrate ABC’s 90s Friday night sitcom lineup known as TGIF. We cover Full House, a very special episode of Diff’rent Strokes, why the movie Big is unrealistic, Tom Hanks vs. Amazon.com, TGIF poison Stacy Keenan, the snappy writing on Boy Meets World, hilarious catchphrases and Tom’s adventures as a junior television mogul. We also solve listener Jesse’s college problems with an elaborate cat tea party plan and barely survive a particularly intense run through The Gauntlet.

Diff’rent Strokes Child Molester Episode

(We know that this is neither 90′s nor TGIF, but we wanted to talk about it so tough shit.)

Perfect Strangers

Dinosaurs Finale

The Urkel Dance (Family Matters)

Boy Meets World

In this super-sized episode of TCGTE we discuss:
Tom’s college thesis on Mr. Rogers
Why Tim and Tom should not have graduated from college
Making reservations at public restrooms
Dance-fighting with meth addicts
Awful Starbucks employees
Dance-fighting with a lying homeless man
Tim and Tom solve your problems and offer revenge solutions
Tiger Woods vs. Alligators
Fishnet stockings
Writing novelizations of R-rated movies for children

Buggles, Greatest Hits, Whiskey, Buying Alcohol for Kids, Farms, Chattanooga Hipsterbones, Tim Meets a Pimp and the World’s Greatest Liar, Crushing Dreams, Racists Who Mow the Lawn in Lady’s Underwear, 900 Numbers that Make You Cry, Caught Listening to Your Own Podcast, Lenny Kravitz at 7-11, Thanksgiving Eve, The World’s Longest Gauntlet and the United Homeless Organization.

This Phone Number Will Make You Cry:

GREATEST HITS EPISODE! Featuring:

Baby Boomers (The Beatles)
CD Drive Prank (Freshman Year)
Midget Sighting (NYC)
Teenagers (Weird Al)
Book of World Records for Kids (Fall TV)
Nasty Latinas (North Korea)
Upper Decker (Bathroom Etiquette)
Werewolf Diarrhea (Halloween)
Hitting Cavemen with a DeLorean(Time Travel)
Hipster Potbellys (NYC)
Scumbags of the Week (Baseball)
Tim’s 9/11 Job Training (Sophomore Year)
John Lennon Stops By (The Beatles)

Tim the Sorcerer (Freshman Year) [Hidden Track]

Super special thanks to Andre and Ian who did the majority of the hard work for us on this one. We owe you each a beer. Thanks also to Keith, Simone, Ricky, Michelle, Sharon, and Emily for your suggestions. We owe you all a beer which you may split with each other.

Meinhardt Schwarzenegger, Last Action Hero, Batman and Robin, Mr. Crisp, Twins, Old Robots, The Most Amazing Movie Ever Made, Aliens vs. Predators, Tom proposes a new electronic device for just watching Arnold movies and Tom reviews Planet Hollywood.

The Gauntlet: Comic Book Superheroes, Social Networking, Parties, Annoying Kids, Random People You Meet on Nights Out, Gyms, TCGTE Goes Undercover, Male Grooming, The South and we ask for your family photos.

Fraternities, Tom’s terrible RA work, blaming everything on 9/11, Tim’s work as a maid, and scamming free pizza from the FBI. Also: when its acceptable to smash someone else’s television and how to get beat up by one of the Foo Fighters.

Baseball been berry, berry good to us.

In this terrifying installment of TCGTE, we talk about ghosts and ghouls and skeletons and werewolves. We also discuss king size candy bars and try to figure out just what the hell nougat is.

But that’s not all! Listen to the end when we reveal what we’re dressing up for this Halloween and talk about what it feels like to have Steve Buscemi take pity on you. WARNING: Due to the frightening nature of this episode, do not listen to this podcast alone, in the dark or without your security blanket.

The frequently asked for Complete Guide to Hip Hop with special guest Algernon!

In this episode we also discuss:
Balloon Boy, When is it ok to call a woman a girl?, Jay-Z, Brian Wilson’s rap career, Wu-Tang, Shitty Teenage Jobs, Thanksgiving (USA!), Fake Free Masons, AJ’s Haunted House, and much, much more!

Follow Algernon on Twitter @algernonregla

Referenced in this episode:

The full Brian Wilson rap song is available here.

We answer your burning questions about today’s most important issues: peeing and pooping.

UPDATE: keithmurphy in our new forums does some legwork and digs up the absolutely terrifying 20/20 segment about exorcisms from the early 90′s that we mention towards the end of the episode. WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK!

LISTEN TO EPISODE:

Some frank discussion about putting tubes up your butt, dentists with TVs, the introduction of “The Gauntlet” and of course Final Destination 3D.

Boris Yelsten drunk in his underwear at the White House, George W. scaring prisoners straight, Johnny Cash and Mr. Ed, Tom meets Nicholas Cage and listener suggestions!

The first in a series of “Stuff We Hate But Know Absolutely Nothing About”. TCGTE takes a bullet for you and watches Twilight in its entirety so we can then deliver you everything you need to know about it at your next cocktail party/water cooler showdown.

TCGTE’s 42nd annual Fall TV preview show! We discuss all your soon-to-be favorite new shows! Shows that are blatant movie rip-offs, shows that are about detectives, shows about MILFs, they’re all here!

The Beatles: Rock Band! Baby boomers ruined the world and then some more about the Beatles.

Support TCGTE through your Amazon purchase!

Real life superheroes, Michael Jackson lives and where the hell are my stickers?

A listener suggests Tim and Tom talk about their hometown, and they talk about things that annoy them for 45 minutes. Also, ice cream and mini-hamburgers.

Tom and Tim discuss the college freshman year experience, how not to masturbate discreetly and more. Plus, Tim fails at sorcery.

also Mad Men Abridged, Avoiding Tipping.

New Travel Agencies, Letters to Criminals. “I’ll Be Missing You”, Adopting a Teenager, My Super Sweet Sixteen.

The thrilling conclusion to last week’s Timhanger. Also, we cover listeners’ topic suggestions and Tom gets annoyed with the topics of dolphin genitalia and elves.

In this episode Tom and Tim talk a lot about Weird Al Yankovic and then it takes Tim 4 days to figure out how to upload the file to the internet.

A how-to guide, also ideas for funny things to do to cavemen if you ever have the opportunity.