Tuesday
Sep152009
My Vampire/Wizard Book That Will Make Me a Billionaire
Tuesday, September 15, 2009 at 01:29PM Tweet 
It sure seems like people love to read about Vampires and Wizards nowadays. I remember there was a group of people that were really into wizards and vampires when I was growing up as a kid too. Hmm, what were they called? I can't remember. Oh, yeah, I remember now. HUGE NERDS.The question of why or how this happened isn't important to me though. All I know is that nowadays there are 3 keys to getting a book published.
1. Make it about vampires or wizards.
2. Write it at a 5th grade reading level.
3. Make it long as shit.
"Larry Motter and the Vampire Wizards"
1. This book is about vampire wizards. WHAT!?!? Yes, its true. Who would win in fight between vampires and wizards? Vampire Wizards.
2. This book will be a picture book. Right now Twilight and Harry Potter are severely limiting themselves to those with a 5th grade reading level. But what about illiterates? Should illiterates be denied the pleasure of vampire and wizard stories? Is that what America is about? Benjamin Franklin would be rolling over in his grave if he knew this is what America has come to.
Pre-orders will begin shortly, and I highly, HIGHLY recommend you pre-order. Unless you like being laughed out of the book store when you casually ask the clerk for the latest LMATVW book and he points you to the line wrapped around the block outside.
Reader Comments (10)
please send me stickers I am recruiting for you guys. you guys should take calls, or messages, like on 24 cast. i called in once a couple years ago. loving the show. keep it up. and send me some stickers motherfuckers!!!
81
hey where the hell is the picture of raymonds bitchy wifes tits???
Where do I pre-order? This sounds like the kinda book I like..
Ok, so I am a nerd/tool. I've read both book series you are making a parody of, and I really liked them both. They may not be war and peace, but you might be surprised to hear that they are more mature & complex then they appear at first glance if you read them through.
BTW, I used to make fun of them too before I read them, so it's easy to understand why they seem lame from an outside perspective...guess you have to be a true nerd to appreciate them.
P.S. Nerds are known for creating Podcasts too...just sayin'
You're missing one thing:
Dragons.
That is all. ;)
Will there be boobs in it? I won't buy it unless there are boobs on every other page.
Dragons will be included in a future book. You have to leave something for the 14 sequels that are planned.
From my experience, only cool dudes are known for creating podcasts. Listen to next week's show (recording tonight, should be out Sunday around midnight EST), the topic is very near and dear to this blog post.
What about the boobs?!?!
You're one in a million Tom...maybe you can give the rest of them a good name.
( . ) ( . ) <--- There you go El Weirdo